Is it just me or is there like some weird energy going around? Maybe it's the economy, or the loss of key Democratic states so soon after President "Change" Obama took office, proving that Americans don't really want change, or perhaps it is the pre-holiday blues. Hell, now that retailers are bringing Christmas in so early, why not move up those holiday doldrums, too. Any way you slice it, this mid-season funk does not make anyone feel sexy. Introspective, yes. Sexy, no. Take the following WTF Is Wrong With Me Test, (move over Rorschach or Minnesota Tests) to see if you need a Bring Sexy Back Retail Therapy Session. Can you check off any of the following items?
___I have not been feeling sexy lately.
___My nose has been sooo in the grindstone, and now I want to put it elsewhere.
___I haven't had sex in more days than I have fingers.
___I haven't had sex in more days than I have fingers and toes.
___I haven't had sex in more days than I care to count.
___I haven't had sex in so many days I have lost count.
___I want to Bring Sexy Back. Tell me what to do and where to go.
The Bring Sexy Back Therapy Session is pretty simple. It's all about buying a few key items that upgrade your sexy quotient. Even if you only check one item from the above list, clearly you need to Bring Sexy Back. Your mental state is far more important than any savings account, and the little boost it will generate for the economy is what retailers need. So, give yourself permission (and a budget) and go for a Bring Sexy Back Therapy Session. That is what this doctor is ordering, so grab that apple and "let's go shopping." There are a few key clothing items that make us feel sexy. Here are the dos and don'ts:
1. Jeans
A new pair of jeans is a great way to spend a lot of time in the mirror (backwards) admiring your butt. If your butt needs a lift, this will propel you into the gym, which kicks in endorphins, which make you hot and sexy. If you have a good butt, well then..by all means stare at it. Then buy the pair that makes your "cakes look perched."
G-STAR jeans give you a great butt and have other great details.
Avoid anything Ed Hardy. Unless of course you aspire to be Jon Gosselin. Fotz.
2. Black Leather Jacket
We all understand budget issues, trust me, so whether you shop vintage for the jacket, or Army-Navy for a Schott Scuba jacket, there is something for you. If you have greater resources, by all means shop designer.
You cannot not go wrong with this jacket style. Timeless, sexy, rugged.
Do not even try on this brown, quilted, car-coat nonsense.
3. Under Things
A fresh batch of sexy underwear. Especially if you go home and wear then around the house with nothing else...in front of windows, blinds open.
I only own black briefs. And I look just like him.
Quirky underwear, especially Ed Hardy, is just not sexy. Oh, right, a skeleton mouth on my crotch. Hot.
4. Cardigan Sweater
This may not be the sexiest item, but a luxe cardigan is such a great must-have layer these days that if done right, can be very sexy.
A fitted Ralph Lauren number works wonders for this guy.
And this Dr. Huxtable from The Cosby Show redo is what must be avoided at all costs. We must end this whole '80s thing, NOW!
5. Accessories
For men, cool wrist thingies (is there a butcher name for bracelets?) or a chunky, new watch perhaps? Love sexy forearms.
What's there to say?
Not okay.
To learn more ways to bring sexy back this winter, go to imeanwhat.com.
