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Dear What Men Want: I'm a 26-year-old marketing director who has been casually dating for far too long. Recently I finally met someone who seems to fulfill the somewhat high requirements I've issued for all prospects: must be no shorter than 6'2'', no heavier than 205 lbs., slightly tan, a six figure annual income, and an equal appreciation for fine arts and fine wine. Don't believe he exists? Neither did I, until he fell into my life by accidentally squirting ketchup onto my back: the beginning of a fairy-tale or the first sign of a fatal flaw? Even if the ketchup all over my shirt didn't come out after he spent the remainder of the game performing the faithful club-soda remedy, it still would have been a very small price to pay compared to the highly desirable bachelor I was introduced to. Ketchup-stained clothes are no big deal; dating a complete slop-tart is not exactly what I signed up for. Could this guy really satisfy all of my superfluous needs, yet still need a bib on a dinner date? I need to know if there is hope for the guy with rib-juice trickling down his chin and popcorn kernels spewing out of his mouth? Because his hot fudge sundae lipstick is anything but attractive.

Sincerely,

Frustrated and Famished

Dear Frustrated and Famished: As my mom (or as my friends refer to her: Mama D) would say "it sounds like he was raised by wolves." And she's right. For me, the two biggest turn-offs on the planet are bad breath and horrible manners. Nothing can take an evening from 60-to-zero faster than a girl talking with her mouth full. And I know it's the same for women.

The problem with manners is that they're ingrained in us from an early age. So while your guy sounds like the biggest slob on the planet, it's really not his fault. The fault lies with whoever raised him, because to this point in his life he's obviously never been told that what he's doing is horrifically gross.

The problem with bringing up manners to someone you're dating is that they'll inevitably be incredibly offended. Even if you're just trying to help them better themselves, it's never nice hearing that you're an utterly offensive slob.

If the relationship is at a point where you're completely comfortable being honest with each other, then maybe start making gentle suggestions like "hey, could you not talk with half a cow in your mouth?" If you're not there yet and you really like the guy and think you can change him over time, don't say anything yet. Wait until there's a comfort level there.

If you absolutely can't stand it anymore, then just be blunt. Fire away and take the risk, if he takes it badly – which he probably will – things will probably end right there. Which is fine, because you probably don't want to be seen with someone who sniffs everything they eat right before they put it in their mouth anyway.

On to the second thing that concerned me about this question:
"the somewhat high requirements I've issued for all prospects to be considered with any level of seriousness: must be no shorter than 6'2'', no heavier than 205 lbs., have a medium to slightly tan complexion, a six figure annual income, and an equal appreciation for fine arts and fine wine."

Want to know my requirements for any prospect to be considered with any level of seriousness? Must be a genetic clone of Miranda Kerr, with an overactive sex drive and a billion dollar trust fund. I can't believe I haven't found her yet.

See how ridiculous that sounds? I'm not saying you're setting your standards too high, I'm just saying having standards like that at all is moronic.

Perfection doesn't exist, and if you spend all of your time looking for it you'll end up sorely disappointed. Instead of having "high requirements," why not just meet people and not overthink it?

Those "requirements" should be bonuses, not what you look for. If you immediately count someone out because he's only 5'11, carries a little extra weight, doesn't make six figures or doesn't know the difference between Chardonnay and Pinot Grigio, you could miss out on a guy who makes you totally happy simply because he doesn't fit your completely shallow standards.

No one is perfect…except for me, and frankly, you don't meet my aforementioned requirements.

Signing off,

WMW

Ryan Phillips is a 28-year-old freelance journalist. He is the founder of Rumors and Rants, one of the top sports blogs on the internet. He and four friends write much longer, more incoherent posts there.