With Valentine’s Day—or, as it has increasingly become, Valentine’s Season—nearly upon us, we can’t help but reflect back on our dating experiences of days gone by, as well as the ones we are currently exploring and those we’ve yet to discover. It’s a minefield out there, ladies, and most of us have come to a poignant awareness of this as time has gone on.
But that doesn’t mean all hope is lost, by any means. As much literature as there is detailing the horror stories dating life can entail, there is just as much out there to uplift, inspire, and generally restore hope where perhaps none remains. We’ve gathered up 30 witty dating quotes from celebrities in the hopes that a little bit of insight, intelligence, and, yes, laughter can help you take on Valentine’s season with a bit of a different attitude. Read on!
1. In my own relationships, I know that I should break up with someone who doesn’t encourage me to be strong and make my own choices and do what’s best in my life, so if you’re dating someone who doesn’t want you to be the best person you can be, you shouldn’t be dating them.
— Veronica Roth
2. You know, the man of my dreams might walk round the corner tomorrow. I’m older and wiser and I think I’d make a great girlfriend. I live in the realm of romantic possibility.
— Stevie Nicks
3. Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.
— Scott Adams
4. Save a boyfriend for a rainy day—and another, in case it doesn’t rain.
— Mae West
5. I think more dating stuff is scheduling. It’s needing people who understand your work schedule.
— Jennifer Love Hewitt
6. If you don’t have a valentine, hang out with your girlfriends, don’t go looking for someone. When it’s right, they’ll come to you.
— Carmen Electra
7. I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that.
— Mitch Hedberg
8. I used to be a real prince charming if I went on a date with a girl. But then I’d get to where I was likely to have a stroke from the stress of keeping up my act. I’ve since learned the key to a good date is to pay attention to her.
— Matthew Perry
9. If you kiss on the first date and it’s not right, then there will be no second date. Sometimes it’s better to hold out and not kiss for a long time. I am a strong believer in kissing being very intimate, and the minute you kiss, the floodgates open for everything else.
— Jennifer Lopez
10. I’ve never been Romeo who meets a girl and falls for her immediately. It’s been a much slower process for me each time I’ve gone into a relationship.
— Leonardo DiCaprio
11. Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.
— Jim Bishop
12. I don’t know any of us who are in relationships that are totally honest – it doesn’t exist.
— Richard Gere
13. I have a lot of boyfriends, I want you to write that. Every country I visit, I have a different boyfriend. And I kiss them all.
— Anna Kournikova
14. I was dating this guy and we would spend all day text messaging each other. He thought he could tell that he liked me more because he actually spelled the word ‘you’ and I just put the letter ‘u’.
— Kelly Osbourne
15. We are constantly protecting the male ego, and it’s a disservice to men. If a man has any sensitivity or intelligence, he wants to get the straight scoop from his girlfriend.
— Betty Dodson
16. To find a prince, you gotta kiss some toads.
— Foxy Brown
17. I don’t know the first real thing about the dating game. I don’t know how to talk to a specific person and connect. I just think you have to go to person by person and do the best you can with people in general.
— Jason Schwartzman
18. Everything I buy is vintage and smells funny. Maybe that’s why I don’t have a boyfriend.
— Lucy Liu
19. My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away.
— Jenny McCarthy
20. I’m not great at dating, but I need to do it to relax.
— Lena Dunham
21. Well, dating has become a sport and not about finding the person you love.
— Rashida Jones
22. My mom is going to kill me for talking about sleeping with people. But I don’t want to put myself in the position where I’m in a monogamous relationship right now. I’m not dating just one person. ‘Sex and the City’ changed everything for me because those girls would sleep with so many people.
— Lindsay Lohan
23. I have an urge to communicate. I think I’m a change from what it would be like dating a normal guy who doesn’t talk too much.
24. Dating is kind of hard. Like dinner or something like that. Like a forced awkward situation is very strange. Especially for me, for some reason.
— Zac Efron
25. Dating has taught me what I want and don’t want, who I am, and who I want to be.
— Jennifer Love Hewitt
26. Dating is really hard because everyone puts on a front. It’s really difficult to see who is who, so it is important to be yourself.
— Brooke Burke
27. Mary Tyler Moore was a working woman whose story lines were not always about dating and men. They were about work friendships and relationships, which is what I feel my adult life has mostly been about.
— Tina Fey
28. Dating is different when you get older. You’re not as trusting, or as eager to get back out there and expose yourself to someone.
— Toni Braxton
29. If I’m with a man, is that going to prevent me from achieving my goal? What sacrifices will I have to make in terms of being myself, if I’m with a man? Something that young women find out really quickly is that when you start dating, all of a sudden you’re supposed to have a role. You’re not allowed to just be yourself.
— Candace Bushnell
30. Women need to know that not all guys are going to hurt them the way that the guy did before they started dating me. I know guys I wouldn’t go out with.
— Garry Shandling